When I realized National Stress Awareness month coincided with International Guitar Month, I had to laugh.
It just so happens that my husband is a collector of guitars…many guitars.
Before we married, I remember making the acquaintance of the 3 or 4 beautiful instruments he owned – acoustic and electric. They were pristine, resonant and valuable. My husband has good taste – and a good ear.
In the years since, the guitars have multiplied like rabbits. It’s astonishing. They’re everywhere: under the bed, behind the sofa, in storage, in guitar stands and on a tasteful, tilted metal rack in the living room.
I must confess: this stresses me out.
I think there may be 20, but I’m pretty sure I’m wrong. My husband’s the only one who knows. Does he have a database for these lovely and cherished items? (I would.) And of course, there are stomp boxes, speakers, and wires…oh my.
Let me add – with heart – I feel like the luckiest woman alive. I waited a long time to marry and I found my match.
Did I mention his sense of humor? My husband’s favorite guitar joke:
“My worse nightmare is when I die, my wife will sell my guitars for what I told her I paid for them.”
Seriously though, one of the deep bonds we share is our love for music.
For the past 6 years, we’ve maintained a holiday tradition of recording a tune every December (I sing, he plays). Additionally, in his spare time, he plays guitar in community productions. He’s a talented musician and I love listening to him play.
We both agree that a marriage with a partner who doesn’t share a love and appreciation for music would be unthinkable.
But here’s the rub: I’m not a collector. I like space.
I don’t want more things, I want less.
I like a home that feels ordered, neat, uncluttered.
There’s hardly anyone who shares space who can’t relate to this dilemma.
And when I feel myself getting hot under the collar and focusing on our differences rather than on the good things, here are 3 powerful questions I ask myself:
- Am I willing to see things from the other person’s POV?
- Can I recognize in myself resistance to change or growth?
- Do I have a fixed idea of how things “should be”?
Some of the benefits I’ve found in considering these questions include more flexibility in how I think our home should look (what a relief!) and a sense of composure in the multitude of situations in which I have little or no control (like life!).
Meeting in the middle requires respect and collaboration.
Consider these questions before engaging in meaningful communication:
- Is this a power struggle disguised as an argument?
- Am I willing to consider points of negotiation before I speak?
In a successful negotiation, the goal is never to win, but to find middle ground: both parties feel that their needs are being acknowledged and that they’re receiving a degree of satisfaction.
Ultimately it’s never the event, person – or guitar(s) – that create stress, but rather, our response.
So, during Stress Awareness month, I challenge you to look at the situations in your life – or relationships – that you identify as stressors and consider these questions.
Dissipating stress can truly be as instant as flipping a switch, but it takes practice. Awareness is an essential part of managing stress.
And if you’re in the market for a guitar, I know where you can find one.
If you have a couple minutes, here’s a fun quiz to learn a little about what your favorite music says about you.
Image: Guitars by hinnamsaisuy
My husband came with a collection of film photography equipment, philosophy books, and some art supplies. I contributed the music gear (violins, LPs, electronic music gear).
Our ‘chldren’ have grown to include digital photography and video gear ( why have one lens or camera when you can have every model?) plus computers, laptops, keyboards, mice, every external hard drive in the world (I think) and just about everything our local art supply store sells (in triplicate, in case they run out). Our philosophy library grew forty-fold or more.
Did I mention he doesn’t paint or shoot film or video much at all? And ‘some of his books have been read twice’.
I wouldn’t want to get rid of any of it. In his retirement, he enjoys the freedom of choosing whether or not to dabble in paint, or surf the internet in search of the latest best-est filter.
He opens each new acquisition like a child at Christmas, the box and wrappings cast aside as if invisible, leaping straight to trying it out, squeaking metallic sounds and all.
Several years ago, we hired some house cleaners, so every two weeks, we get a fresh start.
I used to be stressed over the growing hoard of gear & supplies, but now I just see someone creatively engaged with his world. And that’s a whole lot easier to deal with than his severe depression.
Bonus? I tagged along to an oil painting class, and several years later, I’m now in my second wind of creativity (or my fortieth, but who’s counting?)
If you can’t beat ’em, take a thousand deep breaths and join ’em. You never know what wondrous things might appear, right before you.
Vasanti
SMTT 2008 Y’ville
Hi Vasanti:
So true about wondrous things appearing when we are open to it! Thanks for reading the Resilience blog and adding your personal perspective. In appreciation~ Jaymie
My husband came with a collection of film photography equipment, philosophy books, and some art supplies. I contributed the music gear (violins, LPs, electronic music gear).
Our ‘chldren’ have grown to include digital photography and video gear ( why have one lens or camera when you can have every model?) plus computers, laptops, keyboards, mice, every external hard drive in the world (I think) and just about everything our local art supply store sells (in triplicate, in case they run out). Our philosophy library grew forty-fold or more.
Did I mention he doesn’t paint or shoot film or video much at all? And ‘some of his books have been read twice’.
I wouldn’t want to get rid of any of it. In his retirement, he enjoys the freedom of choosing whether or not to dabble in paint, or surf the internet in search of the latest best-est filter.
He opens each new acquisition like a child at Christmas, the box and wrappings cast aside as if invisible, leaping straight to trying it out, squeaking metallic sounds and all.
Several years ago, we hired some house cleaners, so every two weeks, we get a fresh start.
I used to be stressed over the growing hoard of gear & supplies, but now I just see someone creatively engaged with his world. And that’s a whole lot easier to deal with than his severe depression.
Bonus? I tagged along to an oil painting class, and several years later, I’m now in my second wind of creativity (or my fortieth, but who’s counting?)
If you can’t beat ’em, take a thousand deep breaths and join ’em. You never know what wondrous things might appear, right before you.
Vasanti
SMTT 2008 Y’ville
Hi Vasanti:
So true about wondrous things appearing when we are open to it! Thanks for reading the Resilience blog and adding your personal perspective. In appreciation~ Jaymie